can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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