So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
