I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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