Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
