I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
