i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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