My underwear smells like fireworks.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
