Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
