I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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