i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
