i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Randomize
