I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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