Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
