No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
this just has baby written all over it
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
