The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
