OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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