we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
