yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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