I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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