thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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