he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
