I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
