Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
