The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
