Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
