Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
