ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
