I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
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