It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You can't just leave with hair like that
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
