I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
