are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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