were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
