I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
