I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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