weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
They left me at home... I'm a liability
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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