fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
false alarm, still single
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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