i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
