used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
