atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
My feet surprised me
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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