dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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