the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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