You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
