he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i dont even know how to be here
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
