there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
