just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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