hotel room ftw
your thong is hanging out like whoa
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
