Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
