I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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