There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
