and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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