Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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