The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
